He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
