If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
