Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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