Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
