Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
