Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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