And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize