R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
