I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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