Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
