WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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