u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
