Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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