Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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