so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
