I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
