Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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