ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
