all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
