Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
