she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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