I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
