She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
