Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
