we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
