Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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