thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
