It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
