a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
