I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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