The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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