I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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