i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
