you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
