remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
