cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
