Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
