Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
