I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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