a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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