Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
