I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
