Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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