Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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