Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
