i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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