he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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