just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
