She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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