YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My feet surprised me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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