if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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