Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
