I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Two words: blizzard sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
