Cold hands, warm shart.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
